Dating, Sex, and Relationships: Building the Foundation of Marriage

Why What Happens Before “I Do” Shapes What Comes After

It began with shy texts, maybe a shared meal, a laugh across a dinner table. The early days of dating — uncertain, thrilling, sometimes awkward — are often seen as mere prelude. But for many couples, what happens during this phase lays the foundation for everything that follows. Because long before vows are exchanged or rings are worn, the success of a marriage may already be in motion.

In today’s fast-paced, hyper-connected world, the lines between dating, sex, and long-term commitment have become blurred. Yet their interconnection — and their individual weight — remains as relevant as ever. As conversations about emotional compatibility, sexual health, and partnership evolve, so too does our understanding of what it truly takes to build a lasting marriage.

Beyond the First Date

Dating, at its best, is not just about companionship. It's about discovery — learning someone’s values, fears, humor, and habits. In Nigeria, where cultural norms often place more weight on marriage than on the process leading up to it, dating can feel like a rushed checkpoint rather than a journey of understanding. But skipping that journey can come at a cost.

Couples who take time to date intentionally — not just to impress, but to truly observe and learn — often enter marriage with clearer expectations. They’ve seen each other happy and hurt. They’ve argued, made up, and negotiated difference. And in doing so, they've built a shared language of love — one that's fluent enough to weather life’s inevitable storms.

Dating is where you build the vocabulary; marriage is where you’ll need to speak it fluently.

The Role of Sex: More Than Physical

In a society where discussions about sex are often cloaked in silence or shame, many couples find themselves ill-prepared for how vital sexual compatibility is. Sex in marriage is not just an act — it’s a barometer of intimacy, communication, and trust. When sex is approached with openness and mutual respect during the relationship stage, it becomes a space for connection rather than conflict.

Sadly, many couples enter marriage having never had an honest conversation about desires, boundaries, or expectations. This silence can fester. But when partners feel safe enough to explore and express themselves — both emotionally and sexually — it nurtures a deep bond that extends beyond the bedroom.

Sex is not the goal — it’s the glue. And in a successful marriage, it sticks best when it’s honest, safe, and mutual.

Relationships as Rehearsal

Every relationship before marriage, whether it ends or endures, teaches us something. It shows us how we react under pressure, what we crave in connection, and what triggers our fears. These lessons are essential — not to collect red flags, but to better understand ourselves and others.

Yet, in many Nigerian circles, there's still a stigma around dating too much, or "trying" relationships. But how can one be expected to commit to a lifelong union without ever learning the dynamics of partnership? Marriage does not magically make people better communicators. It doesn’t erase trauma, or create trust out of thin air. Relationships — the good, the bad, and the brief — are the classroom. Marriage is the real-life test.

Every conversation, every conflict, every kiss — they all become part of the emotional architecture of your future marriage.

Lessons in Love

What makes a marriage successful is rarely a grand gesture. It’s the accumulation of daily choices — to listen, to forgive, to be honest, to grow. Dating gives you the practice. Sex gives you the vulnerability. And relationships, in all their complexity, give you the experience.

In the end, it's not about how many dates you went on, or whether you waited or didn’t wait. It’s about how deeply you’ve learned to love — both yourself and someone else — in ways that are sustainable, kind, and real.

Marriage isn’t the beginning. It’s the continuation — of conversations, of intimacy, of growth. And what you carry into it often determines whether it flies or falls.

So yes, dating, sex, and relationships matter. Not as checkboxes, but as pillars. Because while love may be the reason two people say “I do,” it’s understanding that helps them keep saying it — every single day after.

The strength of a marriage often depends on how well the couple handled the journey before it.

To build marriages that thrive, we must stop treating dating, sex, and relationships as taboo or transactional. They are not side notes. They are the script — and we must learn to write and read them with care.

Read more on love, life, and marriage at https://blog.9jaruns.com · · · Written by 9jaruns